Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

Entries from April 10th, 2009

Wonderful Chaos

April 10th, 2009 · 5 Comments

In terms of sheer magnitude and complexity, nothing on Earth can beat India’s electoral system. Indian election officials must ensure fair play in a nation of 1.15 billion souls, where a multitude of languages are spoken and infrastructure can be less-than-ideal. On top of that, India’s sheer passion for electoral politics means that minor parties […]

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Chechnya and the Zikr

April 9th, 2009 · 3 Comments

With Chechnya back atop the news, Microkhan wanted to take a moment to delve into the country’s rich-yet-brutal history. Much of what we know comes from the excellent 1998 book Chechnya: Calamity in the Caucasus. It’s dated, of course, since it stops well short of Russia’s comeback and the installation of a murderous, Kremlin-friendly regime. […]

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Doctor Bigtime

April 9th, 2009 · 2 Comments

Juris Shibayama is a modern-day Renaissance man, whose talents range from orthopaedic surgery to bodybuilding to the inhalation of hamburgers. The last of these skills has earned him rising-star status on the competitive eating circuit, where he’s currently ranked twelfth in the world (just below the great Patrick “Bib Sheet” Vandam). Shibayama, who immodestly (yet […]

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Suicide in the Treasure State

April 9th, 2009 · 9 Comments

Longtime readers know that Microkhan has a curious obsession with suicide. (We blame Ozzy Osbourne and Randy Rhoads.) So we couldn’t help but notice the fact that Montana has by far the highest suicide rate in the U.S., at 22 cases per 100,000 residents. That leaves even Nevada and its legions of busted, coked-out gamblers […]

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Is It Real, or Is It Moissanite?

April 9th, 2009 · 10 Comments

Even expert jewelers can mistake a well-crafted slab of paste for the genuine article. Or at least that’s the theory behind DiamondNite, a hand-held gadget that beeps when it’s placed against a diamond, yet remains silent when brought in contact with cubic zirconia or moissanite. DiamondNite’s manufacturer won’t reveal how the device works, but Microkhan […]

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“It’s Time”

April 8th, 2009 · 2 Comments

Microkhan is off to the Elm City today, so this’ll be the last post for the next, oh, 19 hours or so. Thought I’d keep on this week’s Soviet-invasion theme, by offering up the climactic scene to Chuck Norris’s Invasion USA. I don’t think a spoiler warning is necessary, since no moviegoer with a half […]

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Biocontrolling Fire Ants

April 8th, 2009 · 3 Comments

Microkhan’s Sun Belt readers are likely all-too-familiar with the ravages of imported fire ants—especially if they’re in the business of providing us carnivorous Americans with our delicious, delicious burgers and tripe. Imported fire ants enjoy few victuals more than the flesh of a baby calf. As a result, the critters cost ranchers zillions every years. […]

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“I Am the Hunter”

April 7th, 2009 · 2 Comments

Following on yesterday’s mention of the brief heyday of Soviets-invade-the-Heartland films, Microkhan feels morally obligated to post the above Red Dawn clip. In the interests of novelty, we’ve steered clear of the obvious—no “Wolverines!”, no “Avenge me!” Today’s pick is the more obscure, but equally delicious scene in which the evil Soviet commander demonstrates the […]

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Draft as Drain

April 7th, 2009 · Comments Off on Draft as Drain

Upon learning that Poland is set to end military conscription starting early next year, Microkhan got to wondering about the economic effects of nixing the draft. Is it a net good to have thousands of 18-to-21-year-olds pounding the pavement in search of jobs or educations, as opposed to learning how to march and fire weapons? […]

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A Banker Who Spent Wisely

April 7th, 2009 · 4 Comments

In sorting through the detritus of Depression v2.0, it’s gobsmacking to realize how much money the financial Masters of the Universe wasted on baubles and trifles. As this recent New York confession makes clear, bankers earning millions were stunningly unimaginative when it came to disposing of their lucre. Cars! Single malts! Vacation homes! Yawn… When […]

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CSWs and PCR

April 7th, 2009 · Comments Off on CSWs and PCR

As a proud realist, I’m typically sympathetic to commercial sex worker (CSW) campaigns that seek legitimacy for their members’ chosen trade. That doesn’t mean I lack all squeamishness about the cash-for-flesh exchange, but I acknowledge that it’s called “the world’s oldest profession” for a reason. The transparency that is supposed to accompany legitimacy strikes me […]

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“Where Was All That Patriotism When It Counted?”

April 6th, 2009 · 12 Comments

Even in their wildest schemes, the Soviets likely never contemplated the invasion of America. Okay, maybe they would’ve liked to bite off an Aleutian Island or two. But sweep into the Heartland and bring the word of Lenin at gunpoint? Yuri Andropov wasn’t exactly Genghis Khan, in terms of expansionist vision. But, oh, how Hollywood […]

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Iced Out

April 6th, 2009 · 1 Comment

Speaking of Frozen Hades as we do in the post below, Microkhan couldn’t help but notice the recent grim news from the planet’s roof. Seems that if things keep going as they are, Santa’s workshop will be bereft of ice before 2040. When climate-change skeptics hear news of this magnitude, their stock response is to […]

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The Overlook Hotel Times Twelve

April 6th, 2009 · 2 Comments

One of my great regrets was not bringing a camera on my 1999 trip to the heart of the Greenland ice sheet. I was there doing a freelance piece on the Air National Guard unit responsible for resupplying polar scientific missions; we spent three days on the ice, learning how to survive in the event […]

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The Man Who Heard Voices

April 6th, 2009 · Comments Off on The Man Who Heard Voices

Contrary to what Law & Order reruns have taught a generation of armchair lawyers, the so-called insanity plea is the rarest of legal birds. According to one New York study, which looked at a decades’ worth of court data, psychiatric defenses were attempted in roughly 0.16 percent of criminal cases. Yet even when both sides […]

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“Odd, Inexplicable, and Unpleasant”

April 3rd, 2009 · 5 Comments

Once again, the joyous end of the work week spurs Microkhan to dredge up a hilariously negative movie review of yore. This week’s slab of celluloidic infamy is Death to Smoochy, perhaps history’s greatest testament to Robin Williams’s talent for irritation. As depicted in the video above, it also features Ed Norton singing an anti-heroin […]

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Microkhan’s Kind of Research

April 3rd, 2009 · 4 Comments

The Journal of the American Society of Brewing Chemists rarely fails to be a highly entertaining read, and the latest issue is no exception. Most of the articles are far too technical for the layman to grok; Microkhan’s eyes certainly glaze over at the mere mention of “alpha-acids isomerization yield”. But the issue’s lead piece, […]

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Convict Love Tokens

April 3rd, 2009 · Comments Off on Convict Love Tokens

In response to yesterday’s post on trench art, one of Microkhan’s treasured Aussie readers turned us on to convict love tokens. These engraved coins were made by English convicts as they awaited deportation to Australia, during the island continent’s 19th-century turn as a massive penal colony. The token to the right was produced by an […]

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The Umpteenth Angel of Death

April 3rd, 2009 · 4 Comments

One of the best magazine stories I’ve ever read is James B. Stewart’s “Professional Courtesy,” which first appeared in The New Yorker nearly a dozen years ago. The piece recounts the sordid tale of Michael Swango, a health-care worker whose favorite pastime was injecting elderly patients with lethal drug cocktails. Stewart tracked Swango’s whole career, […]

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Art Amidst the Mustard Gas

April 2nd, 2009 · 6 Comments

Should any of y’all find yourselves near Doylestown, Penn., in the coming weeks, carve out a few hours to check out “From Swords to Ploughshares” at the James A. Michener Art Museum. The exhibit features 300 pieces of “trench art”—that is, baubles produced by 20th-century soldiers as they awaited their ghastly fates. Most of the […]

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Siberian of the Year

April 2nd, 2009 · Comments Off on Siberian of the Year

Just six days remain in the annual “Siberian of the Year” campaign, so y’all need to get on it and vote. This year’s roster of candidates tilts heavily toward athletes, particularly Olympic champions and disturbingly bronzed bodybuilders. But the Frozen East also produces its share of artists, most notably the late Egor Letov (who would […]

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Islam, Music, and Splitting Hairs

April 2nd, 2009 · 4 Comments

Of all the Taliban’s attempts to drag Pakistan’s Swat Valley back into an imaginary Medieval Golden Age, the one Microkhan finds most baffling is the prohibition on music. In the West, it’s difficult to imagine religious observance (or secular life) without the accompaniment of music, that most universal of languages. But in the Swat Valley, […]

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Abraham, Ham

April 1st, 2009 · 2 Comments

Last week, Microkhan sang the praises of Surviving the Game, particularly the strong supporting work done by Gary Busey. We stand by that opinion, but we must confess there’s a reason that Ernest R. Dickerson’s 1994 action flick isn’t part of the mainstream cinematic canon. And that reason is the video above, in which the […]

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Phantoms of Industry

April 1st, 2009 · 5 Comments

Some of my favorite 19th-century paintings are those depicting mythological creatures (primarily fauns and satyrs) dancing amidst Roman ruins, presumably after downing several skins of plummy wine. So it follows that I’m also a big fan of artists like Harald Finster, whose focus is on the ghostly remnants of industry. His must-be-seen latest work has […]

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Police Appreciation Day

April 1st, 2009 · Comments Off on Police Appreciation Day

They sure start ’em young in Muscle Shoals. The full gallery is here. Is it just me, or do the University of Northern Alabama students look less enthused than advertised?

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The Queen of Sri Lankan Cinema

April 1st, 2009 · Comments Off on The Queen of Sri Lankan Cinema

With the 26-year-old Sri Lankan civil war continuing to wind down—or, at the very least, enter a decidedly less conventional phase—the Colombo government faces a big challenge: How do they bring the Jaffna Peninsula back into the national fold? The region has been dominated by the Tamil Tigers for years now, and the insurgents managed […]

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“Playin’ Herself in Her Girlfriend’s Mink”

March 31st, 2009 · 4 Comments

Microkhan’s off to the (ugh) dentist, so that’s a wrap for today. But to make up for the bummer nature of the suicide post, we’ll leave you with a sonic treat: “Sally Got a One-Track Mind” by Diamond D & The Psychotic Neurotics, an underrated gem from hip-hop’s Golden Age. Okay, granted, the lyrics aren’t […]

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The Puputans of Bali

March 31st, 2009 · 10 Comments

Microkhan’s few loyalists know that suicide is a frequent topic of interest ’round here. No surprise, then, that in the midst of reading Miguel Covarrubias’s Island of Bali, I was struck by the Mexican artist/ethnographer’s account of an infamous 1906 ritual mass suicide. Students of Balinese history (of which I’m certainly not one) are already […]

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The Epic Fail School of Espionage

March 31st, 2009 · Comments Off on The Epic Fail School of Espionage

The full story’s yet to be told on why David Yen Lee, a longtime employee of Valspar Paint and Coatings, allegedly decided to betray a whole bunch of trade secrets to a Chinese competitor. Perhaps he’s suffering through a messy divorce, or he’s saddled with gambling debts. Or perhaps he’s just a greedy so-and-so who […]

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The Coatesville Arsons

March 30th, 2009 · Comments Off on The Coatesville Arsons

After at least 70 fires since the start of 2008, the Coatesville cops have a seventh suspected arsonist in custody. This time, it’s one of the city’s firefighters. A cause for relief? Hardly—the arsons have continued despite previous arrests, as well as the best efforts of the Chester County Arson Task Force. Why are some […]

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