Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

While using the U.S. Patent Office’s records to try and discern what genius invented the jalapeno popper, we accidentally stumbled upon an invention for the ages: the flavored boot for eyeglasses. We’ll let the application’s description do the dirty work for us:

Many individuals who wear eyeglasses frequently will remove their eyeglasses and place the end of the temple arm into their mouth, and either chew or suck upon the end of the temple arm. Such actions, particularly chewing, can leave undesired indentations or scratches on the ends of the temple arms, which causes unsightly damage to their eyeglasses. When the eyeglasses wearer chews or sucks upon the ends of the temple arms, no taste, or flavor, is imparted to the eyeglasses wearer. It is believed that many adult wearers of eyeglasses, who do chew the ends of the temple arms of their eyeglasses, would enjoy having a desirable flavor imparted to them when they chew or suck upon the ends of the temple arms of their eyeglasses. It is believed that many younger children and teen-agers, who might not be wearing prescription eyeglasses, but rather sunglasses, would also enjoy having a desirable flavor imparted to them if they chew on the temple arms of their sunglasses…

The present invention includes a generally tubular shaped member having inner and outer surfaces, at least a portion of the inner surface closely conforming to the outer surface of the temple arm end portion; and at least the outer surface of the tubular shaped member being flavored with a fruit, candy, or spice flavor, whereby upon an eyeglasses wearer chewing or sucking upon the outer surface of the tubular shaped member, the fruit, candy, or spice flavor is imparted to the eyeglasses wearer. A further feature of the present invention is that the boot member may be formed of a plastic material which is impregnated with the fruit, candy, or spice flavor.

Upon discovering the boot, we obviously couldn’t help but think of the invention that helped Navin R. Johnson become a zillionaire (at least until that killer class-action lawsuit). But the Opti-Grab was never celebrated on a t-shirt.